Dying
by allthingsdecent
Summary: A post Half-Wit story. This is the first of two stories I'm uploading today where House THINKS he's getting the best of Cuddy. Ah, poor deluded boy . . .


For the second time in three days, Cuddy was awakened to the sound of someone leaning against her door buzzer.

She groaned, put on a robe.

"It's 2 am, House," she said, before she had even opened the door. "What do you need? Permission to remove the other half of the patient's brain?"

"I was wondering if you had any sleeping pills," he said pathetically.

"You're having trouble sleeping?" she said, concerned. She stepped aside to let him in.

"Yeah," he said. His shoulders were slumped.

He needs a friend, she reminded herself. He's sick.

"It's totally normal, House. Most patients in your situation experience some anxiety. . . I'll write you a 'script tomorrow, okay. . . .In the meantime, you wanna talk?"

"Not if I'm keeping you up."

"You're not keeping me up. I'm already up. We may as well be up together."

"Thanks," he gave her a sad little smile.

"So what do the doctors say?" she asked once they had sat down on the couch.

"That I'm toast," he said.

"Don't be glib, House. It's not funny to me. I assume you've gotten a second opinion?"

"Yeah, my own. I looked at my scans. I give myself 6 months, if I'm lucky."

She took his hand.

"House, I'm so sorry. . . I feel completely helpless."

House looked down at her hand. He squeezed it a little, made meaningful eye contact.

"Remind me again how come you and I never. . .?"

Cuddy smiled slightly.

"Well, you can't say never. We did. Once."

"I know. But I mean, after that. Since I've been working at the hospital."

"Because I'm your boss and you're a royal pain in my ass," she chuckled.

"But you've thought about it. . ."

"House. . .this isn't really an appropriate conversation."

He cocked his head.

"Just a dying man looking for a little closure," he said.

She leaned back on the couch. Hesitated for a long time.

"Yes. I've thought about it," she said finally.

"And do you think, if the circumstances were right—in an alternate universe maybe—you and I could've ever been a . . . thing?"

Cuddy sighed.

"If the circumstances were right. . . then I guess. . .yes."

He leaned toward her, brushed her hair off her face, looked deeply into her eyes. His face was an inch away from hers. For a tantalizing second, it was clear that he was going to kiss her and that she was going to kiss back.

Instead, he smirked and said, "I knew it!"

The look on his face had gone from helpless puppy to sly fox in a matter of seconds.

"I'm feeling a lot better now, Cuddy," he said, popping up, patting her patronizingly on the head. "I'll see you tomorrow."

And with that, he grabbed his cane and left.

#######

"I'm worried about House," Cuddy said to Wilson.

"Why?"

"_Why_? Uh, for one thing, he's dying. And for another thing, he's not sleeping. He keeps showing up at my house in the middle of the night."

"Wait," Wilson was staring at her incredulously. "You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"House is not dying."

"What do you mean he's not dying?"

"I mean, he doesn't have brain cancer. He wanted the doctors in Boston to jack up his pleasure center with some kind of experimental drug treatment so he falsified the scans."

Cuddy's face turned crimson.

"You're telling me he's not sick?"

"Sick in the head, yes. But only in the usual way."

"That little prick," she said, shaking her head.

"That a touch extreme, don't ya think? Duplicitous? Yes. Bald-faced liar? Agreed. Prick? He was just doing what he does best: Pretending that the rules of polite society don't apply to him."

"Trust me," Cuddy said. "He's a prick."

######

"Dr. Cuddy, you're looking especially Swiss Chalet Barbie today."

House was standing in the doorway of Cuddy's office, grinning at her.

Cuddy didn't look up from her computer.

"I like the tight cashmere sweater," he continued. "It says, 'I raided the closet of a wealthy ski bunny 2 sizes smaller than me.'"

Cuddy started typing something. She still didn't look up.

He walked toward her desk. Gave her a mock mournful look.

"So you found out I'm not dying, huh?" he said.

She continued to ignore him.

"I thought you'd be jubilant! It's a miracle! I'm going to liiiiiive!"

Cuddy now picked a sheet of paper out of her inbox and began studying it intently.

He furrowed his brow.

"So now you're not talking to me? I'm getting the silent treatment? Like, very mature, Cuddy." He said that last line in the petulant voice of an adenoidal teenage boy.

Cuddy took a red marker and made a notation on the paper.

"What? This is all because I got you to admit you were hot for me?" House said. "Look at it this way, Cuddy. I did you a favor. All those bottled up feelings were bad for your complexion. Your skin looks radiant today."

"That's just the rage registering on my face," she finally said.

He smiled sneakily.

"You were going to kiss me," he said.

"Shut up, House."

"You were going to kiss me and then, if my Spidey sense is still working, and I'm pretty sure it is, you were going to have sex with me. And here I thought Cameron was the only woman turned on by a dying man in this hospital."

"You're a pig."

"I am the opposite! I'm a gentleman. I could've had your ankles over your head in no time. Instead, I left. Definitely a non pig move."

Cuddy frowned at him.

"Screw you."

"Bad choice of words. . ."

"I was genuinely worried about you and you took advantage of that. That's sick."

"You see? Told you I was sick!"

She seriously wanted to strangle him right now.

"Do you need something?" she said.

"Nope. Just came by to see what you were wearing," he said breezily, and left.

######

The next day, he swung by her office again.

"I need approval for a full body radiation on my patient," he said.

"No," she said.

"No?"

"No. Isolate the tumor and then do localized radiation."

"If I could isolate the tumor, I wouldn't need the full body radiation, now would I?"

"Then I guess you're out of luck."

"Actually, it's the patient who will be out of luck."

"Then try harder."

He looked at her.

"So what's the deal here? You're going to punish the patient now because you're mad at me?"

"No, I'm protecting the patient. A full body radiation is premature and you know it."

"Maybe if we just went ahead and had sex you could finally release some of this pent up hostility you have toward me."

"House, you are seriously crossing a line right now," she said.

He was slightly taken aback by the anger in her voice.

"Jesus, what happened to your sense of humor, Cuddy?" he muttered.

"I don't know House. I guess I left it the same place that you left the scan for your terminal brain cancer."

"Everyone else has forgiven me for that."

"I'm not everyone."

"No you're not," he acknowledged.

"Get out of my office, House."

######

A few hours later, House slid into the cafeteria booth, across from Cuddy.

"You would not believe what I overheard Nurse Jeffrey say to the Nurse Ramirez," he said, grabbing the apple off her plate and polishing it on his shirt. But just as he was about to take a bite, she snatched it out of his hands.

"Excuse me," she said.

She took her tray and stood up.

House's mouth had still not closed from when he was about to bite the apple. He watched her, stunned, as she walked across the cafeteria, threw away her half eaten lunch, including the apple, and left.

"Shit," he said.

"Cuddy is being completely irrational," House groaned. He was all splayed out on Wilson's couch, his royal blue Nikes dangling over the edge.

"I know," Wilson said.

"You know?"

"She came to talk to me."

House squinted at him.

"And she told you. . .?"

"All I know is that you came by her house and did something to upset her and now she thinks she has to leave the hospital."

"What?"

"Her exact quote was, 'If I can't supervise House I can't supervise the hospital.'" Wilson regarded his friend warily. "What exactly happened between you two anyway?"

"I. . .I . . was just teasing her. I never thought she'd get this upset."

"Well, you thought wrong. She's sending out resumes, pal. She has an interview set up with Princeton General next Friday."

"That's ridiculous!"

"I know, House. You said she was being irrational and I agreed. So now the question is: What are you going to do about it?"

######

He went straight from Wilson's office to Cuddy's.

"You're completely overreacting," he said to her.

"Am I?" she said.

"You know are you. Wilson says you're sending out resumes."

She shook her head.

"God, Wilson is such a Chatty Cathy."

"I'm sorry, okay? I ap-ol-ogize," he drew out the word. "Does that make you feel better?"

"Not in the least."

"Then what can I say?"

"I don't know, House." Her eyes met his. "What can you say?"

He folded his arms.

"I don't want you to leave the hospital."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to have to break in a new boss."

"Not good enough, House." She looked down. "I have a lot of work to do. So if you don't mind . . .."

She went to pick up the phone.

"Wait. . ." House was beginning to get truly alarmed. "I don't want you to leave because you're a good boss, okay?"

She shrugged.

"A great boss. . .better?"

Cuddy had the phone crooked in her neck.

"A little. Why else?"

"Because I . . .like seeing what you're wearing every day," he said.

Cuddy smiled a bit.

"And?"

"And I like . . .smelling what you smell like every day."

"And?"

"I like our little. . .battles."

"And?"

He rolled his eyes.

"You're really going to make me say it, aren't you?"

"Seems only fair."

"And I'm hot for you, Cuddy. Happy? I've been hot for you since I was 23 years old and I'll probably be hot for you when I'm some sort of drooling imbecile in an old age home. Satisfied now? Are we done here?"

"It's a start," Cuddy said. She put down the phone.

"So you'll cancel that interview?"

"Oh House. There never was an interview."

######

House showed up at her house at 2 am that night.

"I can't sleep again," he said, looking pitiful.

"Why not?"

"Because I keep fantasizing about this woman that I have the hots for."

"You do, huh?"

"Yeah. . .and I have it under good authority that she has the hots for me, too."

"Seems a shame for two people with the hots for each other to be sleeping in separate beds."

"That's exactly what I was thinking!"

Cuddy sat down on her easy chair, watched him intently.

"So what happens in your fantasy?" she said, crossing her legs.

House gave one of those half smile things he did with his jaw. He liked this game.

"In the fantasy, I come over to her house in the middle of the night," he said, stepping toward her.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. And she comes to the door in this incredibly skimpy silk nightie."

"Sounds hot."

"Trust me, it is."

"And then what do you do?"

"I order her to take off her nightie. And she does And she's standing there, totally naked. And her body is just. . . incredible."

"Incredible, huh?"

"Perfect breasts," House said, looking her up and down. "Perfect ass. Perfect pussy. Perfect. . .everything." He took another step toward her. Leaned down to kiss her. She pushed him away gently.

"Then what happens?" she said coquettishly.

He smirked. Okay, if this was how she wanted to play it. . . .

"Then. . .I take my hands and I slowly explore every inch of her body until she is positively vibrating . . ."

"Wow. Vibrating. Sounds hot. Then what?"

"Then I use my tongue to excite her nipples. Teasing them slowly at first, with licks, then sucking them hard. . .and she's so turned on, she can't think straight."

Cuddy thought it was funny that when genius diagnosticians talked about sex they sounded like. . .every other guy talking about sex.

"Then what?"

"Then I go down on her."

Cuddy bit her lip.

"Really?"

"Yes. . ." He was breathing hard and his pupils were dilated. "I lick her clit until she's dripping with arousal, on the edge of complete and total bliss. But I don't let her come."

Cuddy couldn't help but to be impressed by the enormous bulge in his pants. It was almost painful to look at.

"Then what?"

"Then I take out my cock and fuck her so hard and so well she's screaming my name but she forgets her own."

With some urgency now, he moved in to kiss her again. But this time, she pushed him off harder.

"You better go find this woman, House. Sounds like a party."

He squinted at her, still smiling. But the smile on his face dissolved as he began to realize what she meant.

"Noooooo! Cuddy! You're joking, right?" he moaned.

"I'm serious as a brain tumor."

House looked down at his pants.

"You can't leave me like this. You're a doctor. You're violating the Hippocratic oath."

"Bathroom's that way, Romeo."


End file.
